Fourth of July is upon us, when we celebrate our freedom — to say whatever the hell we want about someone or something as long as it’s funny. Sure, the Continental Congress didn’t have Comedy Roasting in mind when they huddled around the lamps in the late 1770’s.
Did you know there were 55 members of the Continental Congress who signed the Declaration of Independence? (I knew 4 names of the top of my head). Fifty-five middle aged white men with long hair “framing” a constitution that lives and works today. We honor these men by drinking beer, eating hot dogs and watching fireworks. Until now…
Here’s a mini-roast of a few of the members of the Continental Congress:
Peyton Randolph is here tonight. Which means, of course, Patrick Henry is pouting somewhere over the Stamp Act. You’re a powerful man, and President of this Congress, but the odds of you being our first President are slim because, well, George Washington is prettier and looks better on a dollar bill.
John Hancock is here tonight. Oh, Johnny – it is often said the man with the biggest signature is compensating for the tiniest tool in Massachusetts.
Josiah Bartlett is here tonight. You’re a doctor who never went to Med School. You’re a Chief Justice who never attended law school. Proving the theory that the people of New Hampshire are the dumbest of the 13 colonies. There’s rumors that you will be in the West Wing one day. Played by Martin Sheen.
Samuel Adams is here tonight. Poor Sam. Taking a back seat to your cousin John and his cousin John Quincy. After you leave the Governor’s office in Massachusetts, maybe you should consider something else — like opening a brewery.
Happy Fourth of July – ‘Murica!!